i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
