Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
