you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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