yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
