Sponge bath it is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
