Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
