there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
