Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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