you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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