great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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