ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
