he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize