tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
