Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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