Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
