i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i love accidental penises.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
