I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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