I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
