Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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