Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
