You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
