and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
