the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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