she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
