I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize