We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love you. Go after that dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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