I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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