After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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