Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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