I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
