Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
