I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
