Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
