if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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