just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
