her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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