listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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