Someone shit on the floor
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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