don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
