all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i think my cat just said my name.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
