Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
