i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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