i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you.
Bad choice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
