y did u give ur computer a hand job?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The air was thick with penises
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
