Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
