My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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