you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
