You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
