Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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