Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize