she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
