so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
