you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
