this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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