he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
