I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
