Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
