he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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