I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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