just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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