I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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