I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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