Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
