you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
