Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
