How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
